While I love spending time with Joshi I also love having some time ‘in’.
For the past 7 nights I’ve left Joshi with Simon for about 3 hours every evening except one. I spent 4 nights on the Sri Sri Yoga Course, ran a free Art of Living workshop on one and then took and attended a sudarshan kriya session on the other two. Last night when I told Joshi I was going to kriya he said really firmly but sweetly, “Not going out mamma. Everyone stay home.” Out of the mouth of a 2-year-old. He’d had enough of my disappearing act.
I must say, I’ve loved having some time to myself and I think that’s important too. I loved being on the yoga course and how it lifted my energy. I’ve loved how having more energy has had me feel more enthusiastic and able to get heaps of stuff done. Usually I struggle to find time for doing all that stuff that needs doing. But at the same time it was really tough leaving Joshi at times and I could feel the impact that my regular absence was having on my boys. That feeling of struggle on the home front had started to set in and something had to give. During my gallivanting week Joshi got a cold and started waking more regularly through the night. When he woke he didn’t go back to sleep easily and quickly, like he usually does. He also woke at 3am for two nights in a row and spent the next hour awake and really upset. It was obvious to me that he was waking because he needed to release stress, so I held him and stayed close while he got all his emotions out. (If you want to read more about how kids wake to release their stresses The Aware Baby
and Tears and Tantrums are both awesome books). Then he stopped having his daytime sleeps, which meant less sleep for him and no down time for me during the day. Mammahood was starting to feel really hard again. Of course it was – I’d moved out of the sweet spot, away from the balance.
So I’ve been reminded again, that while it’s important to take time out when you’re a mum, and to regularly rejuvenate yourself, you have to find the balance. You have to find the sweet spot where there’s a balance between taking care of your family and taking care of yourself, meeting their needs and getting yours met too. Lean too far to one side and you’re asking for trouble.
When I was a little girl my mother asked me what I wanted to become when I grew up. I always said, “a trapeze artist.” I certainly feel like one now.
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