What To Do With Your Kids When It Rains
http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/12/28/what-to-do-with-your-kids-when-it-rains/
Sun, 27 Dec 2015 21:21:20 +0000
What To Do When Your Kid’s Disappointed On Christmas Day
http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/12/24/what-to-say-when-your-kid-is-disappointed-on-christmas-day/
Thu, 24 Dec 2015 04:19:06 +0000
http://www. megganmamma. com/?p=4249 So your kid opens their present on Christmas day and their face drops. It’s not what they wanted. Nor is the next. Nor the one after that. All the presents are open now and none of them are what your kid was really hoping to find. Maybe tears come, possibly a ginormous tantrum in a room full of relatives and friends. So now what? What do you do?
There’s really no point in trying to console you kid with comments like, “But look what you DID get! This is such a lovely present here … and you got all of THESE … and you got this from grandma!” (whilst wondering how on earth your kid turned out to be so ungrateful).” If you don’t like something you don’t like something. Nothing anyone else says will change that much. Put yourself in your kids shoes for a moment. If you really, really, really wanted something and you got something else that you couldn’t care less about, how would you feel? If, on top of that, someone tried to distract you from your feelings by offered you a piece cake or the chance to do something fun, would you feel better or worse. You might feel a bit better, but just superficially – still those feelings are there for you inside. As an adult you might be able to hide disappointment better than your kids, but receiving stuff you don’t like or want can feel disappointing for anyone, irrespective of their age.
If you were a kid and you were disappointed and your mum told you to focus on what you did get, how might you feel? If your kid’s disappointed, let them be. I don’t mean walk away and leave them to wallow in it. Be with them. Allow them to feel and be present to what they’re going through inside. Let them be with and go through that disappointment. You don’t have to fix it all the time. You don’t have to try to take it away. It’s ok for them to go through it. It’s important that they do. That emotion too will fade, quicker if you allow your kid to go through it rather than distract them with what they should be pleased about or distract them with going outside to play or eat some cake.
But to do this, you also need to not be scared of their big feelings and their big expressions of disappointments.
Also, you could ask them to tell you what it was that they really wanted (if you don’t already know). You could let them know that you understand why they’re upset and that you know how that feels. They may start crying. Instead of responding with, “Don’t cry. It’s Christmas. It’s a time for us to all be happy (or whatever you might be wanting to say in an attempt to move on and make them feel better), you could say something like, “If you need to cry just go for it. I’m here for you and I can listen to you if you want me to.”
An upset kid (or adult) feels so much better when they’re aren’t distracted from their feelings and when they’re acknowledged by someone else. If you want to give your kid a great gift this Christmas – acknowledge those big feelings when they come up and let them come.
Another thing you might do, to show them you understand, is to share with them about a time when you felt disappointed. Keep it relevant in size to what you think your kid might be feeling right now. Maybe you remember a time when you really wanted something you didn’t get. You don’t have to share with them about whether or not it all ended happily either. The point is that you’re acknowledging how they’re feeling in that moment. You could share about how upset you felt and how hard that was for you. Whether kids or adults – most of the time people just want to be understood. Being really listened to and heard and acknowledged is an awesome thing. Better than any material gift – the gifts here are priceless – listening, connecting, caring, understanding, compassion. You know how good it feels. Put aside distraction and pass that on this Christmas.
All I Want For Xmas Is For My Kids To Not Want So Much!
http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/12/22/all-i-want-for-xmas-is-for-my-kids-to-not-want-so-much/
Tue, 22 Dec 2015 10:26:37 +0000
http://www. megganmamma. com/?p=4224 Megganmamma: Kids imitate. If you have fun giving to other people and caring for other people (not just within your immediate family unit) your kids will learn that, whether it shows now or not. You can either see your family as your family or the whole world as your family and whichever you choose will profoundly affect the way you are in the world and how your children get to experience being in the world.
Doing random acts of kindness for others, either with or in front of your kids, is a great place to cultivate in your kids fun around giving. Here are few ideas:
- Bake a cake and leave it on your neighbours doorstep.
- Pay someone’s bill in a cafe.
- Pop a gift voucher under someone’s door.
- Help carry someone’s groceries if they’re struggling.
- Send a handmade card to someone who doesn’t have a whole lot of love in their life.
- Send flowers to someone for no particular reason.
I heard of this mum who used to keep an ear open for families in her community who were struggling financially. A couple of days before Christmas she’d spontaneously call her daughter and together they’d drive to that home where they’d quietly and anonymously leave a bunch of presents and Christmas dinner on the doorstep. Years later the daughter wrote about how it had profoundly impacted her. She remembers the enormous amount of fun her mum had had doing it and how contagious that was.
When you really know how giving is one of the most awesome things in the world and you do it from that place of joy inside, no one around you can mistake the joy of that. And if you don’t feel inclined to be giving – just fake it till you make it!
Your actions speak louder than words. You have to be the role model. And if you feel that you just don’t have the time or energy then you’d definitely benefit from activities which increase your energy and your connection to yourself – like meditation and yogic breathing practices. I recommend the sudarshan kriya as taught on Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s Happiness Program or his Sahaj samadhi Meditation.
Question from mum: How do you help your kids understand that there are people out there, including kids, who’d be happy to get 2 square meals a day,” (let alone a whole bunch of pressies at Xmas?)
Megganmamma: I think you can talk about stuff like that with your kids, but what might be more effective is actually having them be part of something concrete which connects them to people who don’t have much. One of the things I do with my son is loan money to families on KIVA‘s website. The families are in developing countries and need help starting up their businesses. My son and I look at their photos. I read him what they need the money for. And then we choose who to loan our $50 to. This really is one of those gifts that keep on giving because as soon as the loan’s repaid you get to loan it out again to another person or family.
There are also organisations who feed the homeless. Contact them. Ask if you and your kids can come and serve food with them to the homeless sometime.
There’s also a lot to be said for practicing gratitude. No matter how tough things are there are things you can be grateful for. Share with your kids about the things you’re grateful for. And don’t worry about getting them to do it back – sometimes just sharing what lights you up is good enough. What you focus on grows – focussing on your worries reduces your energy and often grows your worries – focussing on what you’re grateful for opens the doors for grace and love to flow into your life.
I believe all the answers are within us. We just need a gentle reminding sometimes. I hope this post will serve as a gentle reminder for those of you who want or need it.
Have You Been Good This Year?
http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/12/21/have-you-been-good-this-year/ http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/12/21/have-you-been-good-this-year/#comments
Mon, 21 Dec 2015 08:31:40 +0000
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Meet My Parenting Mentors!
http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/07/19/meet-my-parenting-mentors/
Sun, 19 Jul 2015 13:27:53 +0000
Satsang – Part Of Our Bedtime Routine
http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/02/16/satsang/ http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/02/16/satsang/#comments
Mon, 16 Feb 2015 05:10:31 +0000
http://www. megganmamma. com/?p=3995 I fell in love with satsang the very first time I experienced it. It was 1999. I was travelling through India on my own for 9 months. I can remember sitting there with my eyes closed, in a temple, surrounded by some very enthusiastic singers . Even though it wasn’t that harmonious (ok, it was far from musically perfect) I was completely entranced . I’ve never attempted to describe that experience of satsang and I still find it hard to adequately put in words the profound effect satsang has on me now, but it’s been life-changing. And now, 15 years later, it’s one of the most valuable aspects of my life. I can tangibly feel the new energy it brings me and, for the most part, there’s a an mistakable peacefulness and ease that I can feel in the whole of my being . The vibrations of the chants are so soothing on the nervous system. But what I love most is how it affects my mind. For me there’s nothing more valuable than peace and stillness of mind. And satsang brings that to me.
Satsang is part of the ancient practice of yoga, but it’s a part which often gets left out of yoga in the west. While many people attend yoga classes, much fewer get to experience satsang. I personally can’t imagine my yoga practice without it. It’s just one of the juiciest parts of my practice. For the past 14 years I’ve been attending group satsangs about once a week through the Art of Living Foundation. I’ve grown to love them so much that I literally start getting withdrawal symptoms whenever our regular weekly satsang doesn’t happen. And now I’m so glad that Joshi is getting to be part of them as he grows up. I wish that all kids could experience this in their lives.
For the first few weeks after Joshi was born we didn’t do much at all. We wanted to ease him into the busyness of the world, but when we felt ready we started taking him with us to weekly satsangs. When he was 3 weeks old we wrapped him in the hug-a-bub and took him to a Krishna Das concert. I wouldn’t have considered taking him to a regular concert, but Krishna Das’s music is pretty amazing and uplifting. It reaches your soul. Unsurprisingly, Joshi slept peacefully in the wrap the whole way through. And since then he’s been present at every satsang we’ve attended.
So What Exactly Is Satsang?
Satsang is where you sit together and chant mostly in sanskrit, but any language is acceptable. Usually in a call-and-response manner. I really love how Krishna Das describes it:
“The words of these chants come from a place that’s deeper than our hearts and our thoughts,
deeper than the mind.
And so as we sing them they turn us towards ourselves, into ourselves.
They bring us in … and the experience changes us.”
My experiences of satsang have definitely changed me. And I know that for now the regular experience of them makes me a better mum because of the peace of and joy they bring me. The more peaceful and joyful I am – the better I am at being mum.
Note: There’s probably a satsang happening near you, no matter where you live in the world. If you want to experience one just jump onto google.
Wishing you all peace and joy.
The Day A Stingray Stung My Little Boy
http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/01/11/day-stingray-stung-little-boy/
Sun, 11 Jan 2015 08:53:04 +0000
This Mother’s Intentions For 2015
http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/01/01/mothers-intentions-2015/ http://www. megganmamma. com/2015/01/01/mothers-intentions-2015/#comments
Thu, 01 Jan 2015 08:26:43 +0000
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Authentic Toddler Sharing Begins With Empathy
http://www. megganmamma. com/2014/06/19/toddler-sharing/ http://www. megganmamma. com/2014/06/19/toddler-sharing/#comments
Wed, 18 Jun 2014 23:05:21 +0000
http://www. megganmamma. com/?p=3937 Now it’s your turn.
What do you think? Do you think it’s necessary to teach a toddler sharing? What helped your toddler and what didn’t help?
Chances are you came across this on Facebook or some other social media – probably because someone who read it was into sharing. If you found it interesting or helpful, please click like or share.